Betrothal

The period of engagement preceding marriage; betrothal was a binding contract established between two families and sealed by the exchange of gifts. During this period the couple did not live together; sexual relations with each other at this stage was regarded as equivalent to adultery. Betrothal describes the relationship between God and his people and between Jesus Christ and the church.

Betrothal and the choice of a spouse

Wives were often chosen by parents for their sons

Genesis 21:21 It was usual practice for the groom's parents to choose his wife and arrange the wedding. See also Genesis 24:4, Genesis 38:6

And while he was dwelling in the Wilderness of Paran, his mother got a wife for him from the land of Egypt.

Suitable husbands were sought by parents for their daughters

Ruth 3:1–4 Naomi, in the role of parent, assumes responsibility to find a husband for Ruth. See also Judges 1:12–13; 1 Samuel 18:17, 1 Samuel 18:21

One day Ruth’s mother-in-law Naomi said to her, “My daughter, should I not seek a resting place for you, that it may be well with you? Now is not Boaz, with whose servant girls you have been working, a relative of ours? In fact, tonight he is winnowing barley on the threshing floor. Therefore wash yourself, put on perfume, and wear your best clothes. Go down to the threshing floor, but do not let the man know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. When he lies down, note the place where he lies. Then go in and uncover his feet, and lie down, and he will explain to you what you should do.”

Betrothal following the couple's wishes

Judges 14:1–4 Sometimes the man chose a prospective bride and his parents negotiated the marriage. See also Genesis 34:1–4, Genesis 24:57–58, Genesis 26:34–35 Esau chose a bride against his parents' wishes.

One day Samson went down to Timnah, where he saw a young Philistine woman. So he returned and told his father and mother, “I have seen a daughter of the Philistines in Timnah. Now get her for me as a wife.” But his father and mother replied, “Can’t you find a young woman among your relatives or among any of our people? Must you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?” But Samson told his father, “Get her for me, for she is pleasing to my eyes.” (Now his father and mother did not know this was from the LORD, who was seeking an occasion to move against the Philistines; for at that time the Philistines were ruling over Israel.)

Betrothal preceded marriage

Genesis 29:21; Deuteronomy 20:7 A betrothed soldier was exempted from military service until after his marriage; Matthew 1:24; 1 Corinthians 7:36–38

An exchange of gifts accompanyed betrothal

The bride-price

Genesis 34:11–12 This gift, which was given by the groom to the bride's family as compensation, sealed the marriage contract. See also Genesis 24:53, Genesis 29:18, Genesis 29:27; Exodus 22:16–17; Deuteronomy 22:28–29; 2 Samuel 3:14

Then Shechem said to Dinah’s father and brothers, “Grant me this favor, and I will give you whatever you ask. Demand a high dowry and an expensive gift, and I will give you whatever you ask. Only give me the girl as my wife!”

The dowry

1 Kings 9:16 The dowry was a gift from the bride's father to the bride and/or groom. Genesis 24:59, Genesis 29:24, Genesis 29:29; Judges 1:14–15

Pharaoh king of Egypt had attacked and captured Gezer. He had set it on fire, killed the Canaanites who lived in the city, and given it as a dowry to his daughter, Solomon’s wife.

Betrothal was treated as marriage

Deuteronomy 22:23–24 Though there were no sexual relations within the betrothal period, the commitment was regarded almost as seriously as marriage and infidelity of a betrothed partner was treated as adultery. See also Genesis 19:14 The men betrothed to Lot's daughters are described as his “sons-in-law”; Matthew 1:18–20 Mary's pregnancy during betrothal left her open to the charge and consequences of unfaithfulness.

If there is a virgin pledged in marriage to a man, and another man encounters her in the city and sleeps with her, you must take both of them out to the gate of that city and stone them to death— the young woman because she did not cry out in the city, and the man because he has violated his neighbor’s wife. So you must purge the evil from among you.

Betrothal portrays the relationship between God and his people

Hosea 2:19–20; 2 Corinthians 11:2 See also John 3:29; Ephesians 5:25–27; Revelation 19:7–9, Revelation 21:2

So I will betroth you to Me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in loving devotion and compassion. And I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will know the LORD.”

I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. For I promised you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ.